CHRISTMAS SHOPPING ALREADY!!

Today I will push the button! (Maybe) I am finally going to purchase my new camera - a Canon 50D. I got to play with one yesterday and I was very impressed! I have also been looking around at computers lately, as I would love to upgrade. Mine is about 6 years old now, and I don't know how much longer she's going to hold out. Plus my oldest child would love to have a laptop for school. I am hoping to get her one for Christmas, but trying to hold out for the best deal. When it comes to spending money - I'm mostly a tightwad. I have had a shopping cart over at B&H for about 2 months now, just waiting for me to push "check out". I keep going back to take things out, then put things in - trying to get a better deal on the stuff I do need. It's just such a huge investment! I feel a little guilty for spending so much on me. I don't really ever do that, so this will be quite a Merry Christmas to meeee! :)

THANK YOU

ANOTHER OLDIE

Here's another old photoshop project from the past. I wish now that I would have taken more classes, but the software changes so much all the time that a person could spend every semester in school and still not know enough!! For what I do, I don't really need so much of it anyhow.
I have gotten as far as making up my business cards, and contacting the lab I used to use all the time. I've had to set my account up all over again because it's been so long. I did manage to hand my card out to one possible client, so that is a start. It seems like time just gets away from me. Plus I am waiting for the ability to purchase the equipment I need. The other day a catalog from B&H just showed up in the mail. I never requested one, so it felt like a kind of sign. Since I am not going to have a "studio" so to speak, and will be dealing with people on the go, I have been comparing laptop memory and seeing if there is anything I can actually afford, that will work for what I am doing. I need a LOT of memory for the new camera images, and I need to be able to use a laptop for going online and photoshop. I have never had a laptop, so I don't really know what they are capable of. I don't want to spend a trillion bucks either. There are just so many choices out there, so much I really need to invest in, and not really enough money to do it all! I know everyone feels the same though, and we all gotta start somewhere!!

FREAK SHOW BABY

This poor photo has been manipulated so many times I can't even count! Most recently for a Halloween contest at my favorite artsy site. In the beginning it was just a lovely photo of the roses, then when I was in school we were asked to assign living features to non-living things. I gravitate toward flowers, so it was just an obvious choice for me.

So Halloween has come and gone, and the kids had a blast as usual. One was a kitty and the other a mad mad scientist! We stuck close to home this year, and handed out treats to more trick-or-treaters than we have had in years! The night was fun and ended with a house full of friends. Most definitely a good night to throw the weight loss pills out the window, as my mom brought by cupcakes and ice-creams for everyone. Not to mention the piles of candy that had to be "sorted" through and "tested" for safety! Heehee!

PHOTO HEAVEN

With the goings on of the past couple of months, I haven't really had so much time to do all the things I used to love before. Last night I visited an old photo site that I used to go to a hundred times a day. I met a lot of great folks there back in the day, even a few that have changed my life. The website is called ARTALYST, and if you haven't been to it, you should really check it out. If you love photography, photo art, making art on paper or canvas, really art of most kinds, you will love this place. For a while it was in a bit of a rut, but now it seems to have come to life! I was so excited to see all the changes Zee has made, and all the people coming back around! TOO awesome! I was looking through all of my images and stuff, and realized I have been a member there for 51/2 years! Not only that, but I look at my photos then and think "wow - junk" and wish I could delete them all. But it is a place of stored memories that show my own growth as an artist over the years. I am so excited about this and just wanted to share! :)

BACK TO SCHOOL - AGAIN?

I have had so much time to think about life and the way things are recently. One of those things that gets to me the most is the fact that I came so far in my college education, but not far enough to really do what I want. I've been thinking about going back, but going to campus is just not an option for me. I have done a lot of checking into online classes, specifically getting an Online master degree. I have found a few that seem ok, but many of the top ranked programs are reluctant to go online because they feel that this diminishes the quality of the education. I don't agree with this way of thinking, since I took quite a few online classes in getting my AA. I like the fact that I am not stuck in a classroom on a rigid schedule. This evening I ran across a school called Gonzaga U, which offers a masters in communications. I already have a good start with my degree in Visual Communications, but I really was impressed with the course listing for the masters there. They offer an Ethics class for one thing, which is something I never got the opportunity to complete for my AAS. In my research I found out that Gonzaga University is ranked number 3 in the West by US News and World Report - something that makes me feel more reassured that they aren't just another scam company waiting out there to take my money. Another thing I liked was that you can get help through financial aid to attend this school. Money is always a huge concern when it comes to education. I wasn't able to find a price list on the web site, but I did see where I could have a look at specific courses before enrolling - another plus. Overall, it looks like a great oppotunity, and is definitely something I am keeping in the front of my mind for the future. If I want things to change for myself and my children, I am the only one who can initiate that change!

LOOKING TO THE FUTURE

Yes, I am still grieving. Maybe I always will. But - my Daddy wanted me to do something with my life. He commented some time ago about the fact that I went through all those years of schooling, only to turn around and work at a liquor store. He thought it was such a waste. Of course my feelings were hurt at the time, but looking back on what he said, he was right. I've been walking around complacent for too long. It's time for me to pick myself up and do what I know in my soul I was meant to do. I have been operating as my own business for a few years now, but never really got serious about it. I'd take freelance jobs here and there, but never advertised or really done much else. It's time to start. I know I have a lot to offer, but there are basics I will need to get done. I'm looking into hiring a business plan consultant to see what I need to do to get a small business loan. Not huge, just enough to cover the basics. For a while I can operate out of my house, and later look into a small studio. I can't see wasting my life at the liquor store, even though I will work there to bring in money while I build this little love of mine....

REST IN PEACE

He was my very best friend my entire life. I don't know how to go on without him, though I know I will have to. I have so many pictures burned forever in my mind, forever in my heart. I don't know how to stop crying. I can't sleep, I can't stop eating - the best appetite suppressant in the whole world couldn't keep me from drowning my sorrows in all the food leftover from the dinner. I keep touching his things, hoping to feel him beside me. My Momma bought a box to keep the memories in, and a frame case for his flag. I just can't believe he is really gone. I think of all the things he will miss, all the things he won't be here for. The holidays will be so hard. Halie's wedding, the great-grand babies that will come, the graduations. I don't even know where to go from here really. There are thank you cards to send, financial things to put in order, and I need to ship a package of his things to my oldest brother who could not be here for any of his final days or the service. I must go back to work, and pretend like life will be normal. I suppose in time it will be, but it will never ever again be the same....

LITTLE BOY AND PIANO

This is my little nephew. Usually he is quite the rambunctious child, never sitting still, always rough and rowdy. He discovered the piano at the Hospice House last week, and I watched in awe as he sat there quietly, gently serenading us. I was glad to have my camera with me, and I snuck a few shots in before he noticed I was doing it. After seeing him like this, I decided his Christmas gift this year would be a toy piano. Maybe putting something in his hands like that would show him what a talent he could develop...
A friend of mine suggested that when all is said and done, I should come out to Florida for a visit. That sounds so good right now. I have not had time to look much for cheap hotels orlando area, but I plan to in the future. I think getting away from all of this would be so soothing to my soul.....

TOO MUCH THINKING TIME

Yet another shot of the beautiful gardens at the Hospice House...

Daddy has gone almost three weeks now without his dialysis. No one expected that he would be able to hang on this long, but he has. He has been spending so much time outside, taking in the sight of the garden, listening to the waterfall, and enjoying the fresh air. I guess if I was going to die, I would want that too. Spending so much time there, my mind tends to wander, thinking about what I would do if I ran a house like this. I don't know if you could call it a franchise really, but I would seriously consider building a place like this myself. I would have bigger beds in the rooms, so another person could fit with the patient. I can't tell you how many times I just wanted to crawl up in his bed and snuggle him. I would make the rooms bigger, and add couches and loveseats, so people could sit more comfortably while visiting. Sometimes I just want to hang out and watch TV with him. Sometimes it's ok not to talk....

GET IT TOGETHER WOMAN!!

Snapped this one out in my garden the other morning. I was wandering around looking at all the work that needs to be done, when I saw this gorgeous creature. Now I don't really want to share my house with spiders, but they sure are brilliant when they live outside!

Yesterday I received another photo assignment, which normally makes me pretty happy. Lately though my mind just wanders off to far away places, Orlando vacations and trips to the lake and the like. I don't know if I can pull myself together long enough to deal with people on a work basis. I wanted to try and go to work this morning at the store, but I just don't know...

ALL THE KINGS HORSES

Just another flower photo. They have such a beautiful garden at the Hospice House. It's so nice to watch Dad enjoying himself out in the fresh air...
Today brings the unpleasant task of going over all of his bills. Some of the medical ones - my golly already. I have no idea if any of this was ever done or given or applied or the whatnot. I feel like I need a few medical coding training courses just to interpret these things! I think one thing they need to change if health care ever does get an overhaul - make the billing so us normal folks can understand it all. The way it is now, we have no way to know if we are being robbed blind or not. One I particularly just love is the line that says - "supplies". Um ok. What "supplies" exactly are they trying to charge for? Makes no sense to me how they think this is ok, but I guess we don't really have the power to do anything about it....

WALKING IN THE SPIDERWEBS

Been taking a few more photos than normal these days. Sorry if this one looks as though I used bathroom lighting to get an exposure. Something just seems off in the color, but what my eyes saw sure was pretty. I guess everything seems to be off a little more these days...
My Auntie got a new little camera the other day, and has been snapping photos with it left and right. I can't remember the brand name, something I had never heard of before, but it sure does take some good pictures. She got one of a butterfly at the Hospice House that made me a little jealous! It's just a little point and shoot even, but I was pretty impressed.
I need to upload a ton of stuff off my cameras, and I am still working on the slide show for Daddy's service. My heart just isn't in it I guess. Every old photo brings a little joy, and then come the tears....

PICTURES FROM THE OTHER SIDE...

Just the view from the Hospice House....

FUN WITH FLOSS

I have been fighting with my youngest baby girl for such a long time about flossing her teeth. I have to say I'm a little embarrassed when I take her to the dentist, and they ask her how often she does it. I have always been the one to do it for her - which I admit is not often enough - because she always has trouble using that tricky tangly regular stuff. We were recently given the most awesome kids floss on the planet (for free) to try out and write a review on, made by Dentek. It's floss on a stick so to speak, with a nice chunky handle that kids can easily hang onto and operate. My little on had no trouble accomplishing the entire task all by herself! ( I need that at this point in my life..) It tasted good to her too - that fruity flavor is always a plus because she says the other stuff is too hot. The whole thing was more fun to her than a chore - which makes it so much easier on everyone.
Just wanted to share a thought for all the moms and dads out there. I love this stuff!!

I THINK IT WORKS!!

People who know me well, know that I have a serious fetish for lightning. The other night when the storms came through, I couldn't resist pulling out my camera just to see if it would work. I got these!! I can't even begin to tell you how happy this made me! Of course these aren't the best of photos, but it means that yes - my camera is still working. I don't know what I screwed up during the photo shoot, but it must have been an error on my part, coupled with a ton of panic!! I just know that if I can shoot the lightning, I can shoot anything!! Ok - everybody do the happy dance with me!!!